Posted on 19 May '12 by Crazy Woman, under Ramblings. 1 Comment.
Well, things have definitely improved on the Autism end of things. The new medication has made a world of difference. Dylan is doing sooo much better at school, and he’s been better at home as well. Some of the issues we have at home I think just need to be followed up with some behavior modification and for his siblings to just be quiet! (One thing I find so frustrating about parenting is that kids would fight so much less if they could just simply mind their own business! Ugh! It drives me crazy! Can you tell??) The medication Dylan was started on is called Abilify…just throwing it out there for anyone that may struggle with their children in a similar way. He still takes medication for Anxiety, and he will soon be taking something to help with the ADHD end of things. He does well at school, but still struggles with bathroom issues…making it there on time. The psychiatrist told me it is very common for kids with Asperger’s to have “bathroom” issues because of the ADHD component of it. Their minds are so busy that they don’t recognize the signals their body is sending them that they need to use the restroom so they end up having accidents. I’ll be glad when this is taken care of, and I know Dylan will be to0.
Since Dylan is old enough to communicate how he feels I have asked him if he thinks his medication is working and if he feels better. He has told me several times that he feels a lot better. Today he told me that his pills were working, and that he is happier. He is doing wonderfully at school. I’ve only had ravingly positive behavior reports from his teachers. Things that used to really bother him, don’t bother him as much, like other kids freaking out, changes, or a lot of noise. He has faced some challenging situations at school that he has come through with flying colors. He is sweet to his classmates and helps them. He has had several “golden tickets” and a “Cool Colt” award given to him at school for being caught doing good things in the last 2 weeks. He feels successful and is in better control of himself, which is amazing for him! He is sleeping better, willingly does his homework and chores, and he’s even started doing some of his own laundry on his own…meaning I haven’t asked him to. He just does it! He’s 8! I think it’s the cutest thing ever! Seeing Dylan be so successful and happy brings me such joy! I hope it continues, as with other medications he has taken sometimes doses need to be adjusted, but right now he’s doing awesome! Such a big difference from before!
I’ve checked into having him officially diagnosed, but since he is over the age of 5 the state won’t fund his testing. That means $1000 out of pocket. After some discussion with the center that would do the testing, I don’t feel it is necessary to do it right now. Maybe he will need it, but as long as he is properly medicated he should be able to function like any other person…at least mostly. There really aren’t any benefits for having an official diagnosis at this point since he is over the age of 5 there really aren’t any available resources for him right now. It was suggested that an official diagnosis may help him down the road when it comes to looking for a job. It would help him know where to focus and what kinds of things would be best for him based on his skills and abilities, and he could possibly get extra help in college and such.
As far as dating…I don’t know. I haven’t really felt like the whole “dating world” is where I’m going to find someone…I hate the drama and the games. I guess I should say, I’m not NOT dating, but I’m not actively looking either. I have some friends I’m in contact with and that helps me feel a little more content. I guess it’s help build my confidence some too…being completely out of the dating realm for as long as I have been caused me to question myself, but I think I’m feeling a bit better. I guess I’m really just trying to be more social and make some friends. I went to a mid-singles conference a few weeks ago that was so good. The speaker for the fireside was amazing! I’ll post about that later.
I’m so grateful for the tender mercies that I have been blessed with, the friends that have been put into my life, their comforting words, and words of encouragement. I’m so THANKFUL for Dylan , the improvements we have seen, and for what I have learned from all of the challenges we have faced. They have taught me how to be a better parent, to have more patience, to be more loving, and to be calmer in times of chaos. We are truly blessed!
Posted on 29 April '12 by Crazy Woman, under Ramblings. 1 Comment.
What’s on my mind? A LOT! This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about stay-at-home moms and how little the “world” views their contribution to the world. It all started with Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann Romney, and the comment made that she has never worked a day in her life…I’d like to see those that feel that way about stay-at-home mom’s to try it out and see how much work it really is. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! I have always worked to add to the income of my household except for a year when we lived away, and I can honestly say, working outside of the home, even on a full-time basis was easier than what I do now. I work now as a mom, literally, it’s my job not only to be the mom to my own four children, but to my nieces as well. When people ask me what I do for a living I tell them that I work in daycare, but really I’m a mom. I’m the only mom Ava and Mia know. I take care of them like my own. I teach them about having manners, about being clean, eating healthy foods, being kind to each other, etc. I bathe them, and take them to the doctor. I’m more than a daycare provider, but for some reason I feel that when “outsiders” hear daycare provider, they at least recognize I’m earning a living, even if it may be small. It’s sad that I feel I have to justify why I’m a stay-at-hom mom, or that I think about how prospective husbands view me as not as attractive because of my chosen profession. I recognize the stress and pressure a man may feel in financially providing for a family, especially one that may not be biologically his, but I assure you, the Lord will bless you men for your efforts and support of the women he blesses your life with.
A lot of men look at the fact that I stay home with my kids as a “less than” situation. They are looking at my earning potential instead of what I am contributing to the world by raising Heavenly Father’s children to be His disciples. This is the rising generation, people, and if it weren’t for us stay-at-home mom’s that nurture and care for these children, teaching them right from wrong, etc what hope do we have for the future?? I’m not saying that moms that don’t stay home aren’t doing their part, or teaching them the same things I am, we all have different situations, but for those of us that are stay-at-home moms we are contributing to the world just as much as anyone else! Maybe some people look at stay-at-home moms as lazy, or uneducated, and who knows what else. I have a degree, earned the majority of it as a stay-at-home mom raising 6 kids. I am interested in the world, but my choice to be a stay-at-home mom is a sacrifice! I am sacrificing the luxuries of the world in order to be here for my kids the way I feel they need me. I am sacrificing what others may think of me because of my choice to raise my children with a mother who doesn’t work outside of the home. I am sacrificing my time and dreams of being something beyond a stay-at-home mom because I know this is where my Heavenly Father needs me at this time. My choice to be a stay-at-home mom was one I always wanted to be able to make, but never had the option until the opportunity arose to take care of Ava and Mia. I have never regretted that choice, but it truly is a sacrifice to be home all day every day taking care of the needs of these children. Working outside the home gave me a sense of self from the work I was doing, but it is so much harder to gain self-esteem from raising children. It shouldn’t be that way, but the world tells us we aren’t worth as much if we aren’t working outside the home, and sometimes I believe that of myself, even though I know it’s not true. My sense of self should come from the fact that I know I am doing what Heavenly Father is asking me to do, and that I’m raising my children the way that I am. Being a stay-at-home mom is a thankless job, often accompanied with very unappreciative children, but I know that Heavenly Father is blessing me. I may not have a lot of money, but these kids, including my own, for whatever reason, need a mom that stays at home, and He has made it so that is possible right now.
So for anyone that looks at me and thinks that I’m less than, or my earning potential isn’t enough, or that I’m lazy, or uneducated, think again! Maybe you shouldn’t be so focused on how much money I can earn, but rather recognize what I AM contributing to the world by taking care of my children the way Heavenly Father needs me to. In The Proclamation to the Family issued by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it states that a man’s primary responsibility is to financially support his family, and it is the woman’s responsibility to nurture the family…this isn’t always possible for every family, and a lot of mothers work outside the home out of necessity and doing so is a sacrifice for the entire family as well, it’s just a sacrifice of a different kind…I know, I’ve been there. Stay-at-home moms are just as aware of what’s going on in the world as any working mom. We are often just as educated even if some don’t possess a degree. Sometimes life experience can teach someone more than any college degree could. We are just as important and relevant as anyone else in the world!
I guess what I’m trying to say is, that I hope the Lord blesses me with a faithful man that recognizes the importance of the role I play as a woman, and if possible will support the fact that I am a stay-at-home mom, and will continue to do what is necessary to ensure that continues so that I can serve in the Lord’s kingdom the way He has intended for me to. I know that blessings will come to those that seek the guidance and counsel of the Lord as they decide what is best for them and for their families, most times sacrifices will be made, but the blessings will be evident in the end. I know I was sent here at this time to fulfill specific purposes and that the Lord will provide me with the blessings and abilities I need in order to fulfill those purposes. I also know He is mindful of the sacrifices I am making in order to fulfill those purposes.
Thank you to the men that recognize the important role women play in the world, and do all that they can to support them in being able to be stay-at-home moms if that is what they choose to do. Thank you to the men that look at a woman and see more than her earning potential, but see her purpose on this earth as a wife, mother, and servant of God! To you, I applaud your efforts and appreciate your support of the women in your life!
Posted on 14 April '12 by Crazy Woman, under Ramblings. 1 Comment.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything substantial as to the status of my life, hasn’t it? I’m still alive, I guess that’s all that really matters. Hahaha! I’ve spent my time doing a lot of reflecting and pondering (as always), but my thoughts and reflections haven’t produced anything really significant that I’ve felt like posting. Life has been stressful to say the least…I’ve mentioned the challenges I have faced with my youngest child, Dylan, whom is now eight, and it seems those challenges have only grown over the last few months. He’s been difficult since birth, never been a good sleeper, has always had outburst over small things, never has adapted well to change, etc, and it’s been suspected that he falls on the autism spectrum somewhere. Well, after medications that haven’t produced results and his increased difficult behavior, the words “I think he has Asperger’s Syndrome.” slid from his psychiatrist’s lips. It’s the only reasonable conclusion after all the trial and error with medications, counseling, and a tonsillectomy to decrease snoring and improve the quality of his sleep, yet still not producing the results we have hoped for. When he was three he was assessed for his speech difficulties, at that time those observing him mentioned then that he had some quirks, but not enough to conclude he was on the autism spectrum. However, they also mentioned that diagnosis could be made in the future depending on his development. This “diagnosis” doesn’t surprise me, and it doesn’t depress me either…if he weren’t as high functioning as he is, it might, but really, all I care is to know WHAT we are dealing with and HOW to deal with in in a more effective manner.
I made the decision to send Dylan to a learning center about a month ago after he ran away from school and he was exhibiting increased aggression in the regular education classroom. It was a hard decision to make, but I felt it was the safest for everyone involved considering the escalation of his violent outbursts…throwing chairs and whatever else he could get his hands on when something didn’t go as he expected, and the increased verbal assaults towards his teachers, etc. It’s like he loses all control of himself. He feels bad after, and accepts the consequences, but it became clear regular ed/resource wasn’t working for him. A learning center is in a regular ed school, but the number of students is limited and the teachers are specially trained to deal with the issues he is having. His particular learning center classroom has 11 kids and 1 teacher and 2 helpers. I quite like the 3/11 ratio, they are better equipped to handle outbursts and the difficult behaviors these kids have. I was concerned about the transition, but it’s been fairly smooth. He rides the bus, which he loves, and he has adjusted well to all the structure. He likes to know what to plan, no surprises for him, that makes for a no good, dirty, rotten, very bad day for everyone! Most of the kids in the learning center struggle with changes so they are good about warning the kids as far in advance as possible. So far, he’s only had 2 bad days at the learning center compared to the almost every day occurrence in regular ed. I’m certainly not complaining, however, the whole process has been exhausting…emotionally draining to say the least! The goal now it to get him officially diagnosed by experts in the field. It could open up some resources and training we haven’t had available before. I feel very blessed that Dylan does function as well as he does. He’s very smart, he can speak, express emotions and affections, and he will most likely be a productive, functioning adult. Hopefully with the right medications, and behavioral management he will be a more productive and better functioning kid!!
On a side note…I’ve decided to start dating again. It’s time to get back out there and educate myself. I already know what’s out there, meaning the jungle the dating world is, but I feel like I’m in a better place and it’s time to find companionship and happiness. My kids are ready for me to date, they’ve been ready, well except for Dylan maybe, but I think my getting back out there will start to prepare him for the fact that I WILL re-marry one day. He’s not against it, but like most kids from divorced families he still hopes for a reunion of his parents…strange though since he really doesn’t like going to his dad’s. I think it’s more of his fear of the unknown…I get it, it’s like wandering in a strange land, and it can be scary, but the time has come to take that leap of faith. Pray for me! I’m going to need it!! 
Posted on 19 March '12 by Crazy Woman, under Ramblings. No Comments.
My grandpa passed away almost a month ago, just a few hours after his 87th birthday. I’m grateful for the time I was able to spend with him shortly before his passing when he was a little more alert. I was there a couple weeks before to cut his hair, and I treasure the opportunity to serve him that way, especially considering how much he valued his hair.
The funeral was just the way I think he would have wanted it, with the memories of his children and grandchildren being shared of the type of person he is. All would agree that he is the most generous person we have ever known, literally giving you the shoes off of his feet if needed. He loves his family. The following is a link to his obituary and a recording of the funeral proceedings. Obituary and Funeral. I have included the eulogy I gave below…
Things I remember about Grandpa are that he was always whistling a tune, the jingle of the change in his pocket as he walked, his perfectly combed silver hair, which he usually combed while he whistled, whipping his comb out of his back pocket, something like the Fonz.. He loved animals and gave them quirky nicknames, like Mr. Wutzins to the cat they inherited when they moved to Utah, and all other cats were wittzies and dogs were wags.
Grandpa had a sweet tooth like no one else I’ve seen, gulping down ice cream cones in just a few swallows. I remember he always ate those Idaho Spud candy bars as well. He always told corny jokes that he thought were so funny, and half the time we would look at him like he was crazy because they just didn’t make sense to us, but he would laugh and laugh and laugh at the jokes he would tell.
Grandpa could NEVER sit still for too long, which turned him into a super neat freak. If you weren’t done with it you couldn’t leave it, not even for a potty break or it would be gone. If you were coloring and left your paper for even a minute when you came back it was put away. Oh, and don’t even think about going outside and coming back in because he’d lock the door every time he walked by and saw it was unlocked. I can’t even count the number of times people got locked out, and this was when all of the family was over for a holiday celebration.
What I love the most about Grandpa is all the time he spent just being there, his enthusiasm for the plays we would put on, always applauding and telling us how great of a job we did. He taught most, if not all of us how to fish. We took many camping trips to Panguitch Lake, where he’d take us on long walks to explore our surroundings while telling us stories of his childhood. Some might find those stories boring, but Grandpa had a way of telling a story that made you pay attention with the inflection of his voice and animated facial expressions and body movements. He could tell the story of “The Three Little Pigs” like none other. Some stories he made up as he went along, and others he swore were true stories, like the one about the hermit that lived in their town that tied the school bus to a tree…that one always scared me, but I loved to hear it. We spent the night often and he would make the rounds picking us all up in his red and white suburban to have a night of fun with the cousins, and driving with Grandpa was always an adventure!! Sometimes we’d wonder if we were going to make it there alive!
He took us on adventures to Disneyland, Dodgers stadium, and the zoo before we moved up here. I remember always leaving the zoo with a wax animal in tow as a souvenir. He always brought us stuff back from his business trips to Alaska, little wallets, stuffed animals, and shirts to name a few.
Grandpa was always there if we needed something, he never let us down. He went with me on Daddy-Daughter dates for church activities when my dad wouldn’t go. He showed up at our house when our street was blocked off due to a robbery in the neighborhood while my parents weren’t home because someone called him and told him we were scared. Whenever we called he was there. He worried a lot about our safety, felt swings were really death traps, and that we would for sure slip, fall, and drown in the creek. Although his excessive worry irritated me at times, I know he worried because he loves us. It worried him when he’d hear I would go camping or take trips with my kids by myself. He felt I should have a man with me to take care of us if anything were to happen. What he didn’t realize is the man that would have gone with me couldn’t even change a tire.
Grandpa would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it. He is kind, and generous. He is an example of how to love others selflessly, always giving of his time, talents, and anything else he may be blessed with for his family and anyone else he loves. I speak of him in the present because I know he is still here in spirit and those traits and attributes are still apart of him. This is a time of celebration; to celebrate the life he lived on the earth, and the fact that we will see him again. It is sad he is no longer here with us in his mortal body, but I know we will be reunited one day, so for me, this is not a “Goodbye”, this is “See you later.” Thank you for the time, love, and everything else you gave to each one of us, Grandpa. Thank you for your example of being an extraordinary human being. Thank you for honoring your priesthood, and teaching us through your actions the importance of the gospel in your life. Thank you most of all for being our grandpa, we couldn’t have asked for better!
All the grand-daughters with Grandma!
Grandma with all the grandkids! We love you Grandma!
Posted on 17 January '12 by Crazy Woman, under Ramblings. 2 Comments.
Just over a month ago I gave a gift to someone that wasn’t received very well, in fact, the person wanted to return it to me, but it wasn’t something I could accept back. The rejection of the gift was hurtful, but what hurt the most, was the rejection of the friendship. I can only imagine the reasons, some of which I take personally, others I don’t, but I really don’t know why the person felt so uncomfortable accepting it. It wasn’t expensive, even if it appeared to be, and it was freely given without any strings or expectations of anything in return. I feel really sad about the whole thing, and it’s something I’ve thought about from time to time as I’ve tried to understand and make sense of it all.
I was thinking about the situation as I was making lunch for the girls today, and it hit me that there are probably times in ALL of our lives when we reject the gift that is freely given to us…the gift of the atonement. How often do we really use the atonement in our lives? How often do we partake of the sacrament so mindlessly that we don’t even realize the importance of such a sacred ordinance, or the promises we are making? How often do we take on the world thinking we can do it all on our own instead of using the atonement in our lives and asking the Savior for help? There have been times in my life when I’ve thought I had to be perfect, that I had to do it all on my own, and there was no room for error. However, I have found that isn’t the case at all, and I wasn’t letting the atonement do what it was meant to do…make up the rest. We do our best, our very best, and the atonement makes up the rest. The Savior freely gave His life for us so we didn’t have to do it all on our own, so there was a way to make it back to our Heavenly Father. Sometimes, we may feel undeserving to accept His gift, but it’s there whether we accept it or not, He’s just waiting for us to accept it and apply it in our lives.
Maybe this experience of having a gift I freely gave rejected was partially to help me to better understand how freely the Savior gave His life for us. He knew many would reject that sacrifice, and reject Him, but he gave His life for everyone regardless of how they would feel about Him. The gift was given, freely given, and He can’t take it back, it’s there whether we use it or not. There has never been a better example of loving others than that of the Savior. It’s something I really try to apply in my life…to love others as He loves me…freely, unconditionally, with no expectations for anything in return. Maybe that is hard for some to accept, and it’s often something difficult to do, but it is possible if we ask God for help in doing so. We need to look past the faults of others, look past race, gender, and all the superficial stuff that keeps us from really seeing who other people really are.
We are ALL children of God, regardless of our circumstances, background, or skin color. We are all children of God regardless of the mistakes we make or the way we look. I challenge everyone out there to be able to look at a person and see who they are, to see their soul, their worth, their purpose! More importantly, I challenge you to graciously accept the gifts that are freely given to you by the Savior and by others. Remember the atonement was freely given, all you have to do is reach out and accept it in your life. Do your best then let the Savior make up the rest!
