The Diary of a Crazy Woman

I’m taking a stress management class this semester, and it’s been an interesting class. One section talked about how we are always doing what we want to do because we choose our task or whatever. An example is that we may say we don’t want to work, but we go because we have to, when really we don’t HAVE to. We could skip work and get fired. So we choose to go to work instead of choosing the consequence of getting fired, so that we have a job to support ourselves. Ya, Ya, I know it seems like a stretch, the book explains it much better than I can. One part of the section talked about loving someone, and how stressful it can be when we love someone and they disappoint us. Then we are hurt and sometimes angry. Isn’t that the truth? When we feel hurt isn’t it because our expectations weren’t met so we come away broken hearted?

What got me thinking about this today is a conversation I had with a couple of ladies about people in our lives and how we thought there was a mutual love and respect, but when it came down to it, when life or a situation got hard, it feels like it was all a lie. Then we feel hurt and confused, and just want to stay away from the people that have hurt us in order to protect ourselves. I find in situations like that, that it is difficult for me to let myself love the person that has hurt me, not because I don’t love them, but to protect myself from further pain. In time I find the ability to forgive and let go of any expectations I may have had and am able to love the person even though they may not love me. That’s my point – the chapter was about making the choice to love someone without strings or expectations that the person will love us back. When we make that choice we are less likely to feel hurt, or be disappointed because we didn’t have any expectations of any kind. So, try it. Try loving someone just because you love them, because you choose to love them. Love them without expectations and your frustrations and stress will be less. If I don’t expect that my husband will do the dishes I won’t be disappointed when he doesn’t do them, thus less frustration and stress.

Another point made in this section is that we choose to feel hurt or to be offended. We choose those feelings because of any expectations we may have had that weren’t met. In reality no one can emotionally hurt us without our permission. We are in charge of our feelings. We are in charge of who and what we let passed our defenses. One of the suggestions was keeping people at a distance, and not letting them into our inner world. I’ve found the people I’m hurt most by are the people that I’ve let pass those walls, people I thought loved me only to find out they really didn’t. When answering questions for this section my argument was if we don’t ever let anyone passed our defenses how do we ever really fall in love with someone? How do we have any type of an intimate relationship with anyone? How are we ever close to anyone? So it doesn’t seem realistic to me to keep everyone at a safe distance, but that is certainly what I do after being hurt by someone. It becomes really hard for me, as I’m sure it is for many other people, to let my defenses down, to let the person that hurt me get passed the army protecting my heart. In time, I’m able to forgive and move passed the hurt feelings I may have had, but it doesn’t mean my defenses are down. I just choose to love them without any expectations that they love or care about me, or any other type of expectation for that matter, and I keep those people at a more than safe distance!!

So the point of all this, just food for thought for your own lives and how you handle your own situations. I like knowing I’m not the only one in the world with similar issues, so I want everyone out there to know they aren’t alone either!!